I remember clearly the day that I knew what God had called me to be. I was about four years old. I was driving across a bridge in Louisiana, staring at the clouds out the window, when I knew. I am called to be a missionary. The basic definition of "missionary", is someone who insistently shares the gospel of Jesus Christ. When people think of missionaries, they usually think of people who are revolutionizing in Africa or loving children in the slums of Haiti, but today foreign missions is no longer the forerunner of the mission world. So I don't really know what being a missionary will look like at all for me.
Despite this, I have always longed to go on a foreign missions trip. Throughout the years I have always tried to go on one, but the door always shut. It was never the right timing, and I just never felt at peace about going. Right now I'm at the tail end of my senior year in high school. I'm about to embark on my journey in college studying Christian theology, and I also now have the opportunity to go on my first foreign missions trip, to the Dominican Republic. You can be sure that I am very excited to see what God has in store in this new adventure, but to be honest I am also afraid. This is something I've waited to do for a long time, and I keep having this fear that when I go, it won't be what I've expected. That it won't feel right, that it won't feel like I'm doing the one thing that I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. That terrifies me. I feel like this trip will define more of what my purpose is, and show me more of who I was made to be. On one hand, I'm very excited to see how I will be transformed, but then again I am afraid of disappointment. And in the midst of all this fear and anxiety, my excitement and passion has been squandered.
Despite this, I have always longed to go on a foreign missions trip. Throughout the years I have always tried to go on one, but the door always shut. It was never the right timing, and I just never felt at peace about going. Right now I'm at the tail end of my senior year in high school. I'm about to embark on my journey in college studying Christian theology, and I also now have the opportunity to go on my first foreign missions trip, to the Dominican Republic. You can be sure that I am very excited to see what God has in store in this new adventure, but to be honest I am also afraid. This is something I've waited to do for a long time, and I keep having this fear that when I go, it won't be what I've expected. That it won't feel right, that it won't feel like I'm doing the one thing that I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. That terrifies me. I feel like this trip will define more of what my purpose is, and show me more of who I was made to be. On one hand, I'm very excited to see how I will be transformed, but then again I am afraid of disappointment. And in the midst of all this fear and anxiety, my excitement and passion has been squandered.
Even though I am feeling all of these things, I still know that I am supposed to go on this trip. My mind is telling me the truth, that I am right where I am supposed to be, that there is no reason to fear, that I need to trust God, and let go of all the anxiety, in order to rediscover my passion. But this truth hasn't quiet settled into my heart. So I am asking you dear friend, to please keep me in your prayers. I really need them in this season. I really do appreciate your love and support! I will definitely write a follow up blog on my experience, to let you know what God is doing in my heart. I'm saying that, because I know that usually the blogs I write are uplifting, and encouraging, through my personal experiences, but right now I am in the middle of an experience, so this blog is more of a cry for help in a way. I know the dream that God has instilled in my heart, but I need to find that passion again. Most people don't realize the real power that prayer has, but I do, that is why that is the most important way that you can support me, if you feel lead to do so. I love each and every one of my readers so much. Really, the fact that you take the time to read what I write really just touches my heart. So, thank you so much!
Love your friend,
Jess
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