Friends are Awesome. God is Awesomer.

     {Yes. "Awesomer" is a word.}
 
     Right now I am basking in the light, joyous feeling that comes from sweet company. It is a feeling I have not experienced often in the last couple of months. It is not that I did not have enjoyable company, but my heart was too heavy to enjoy the moment I was in.
      Ok, I'll try to give you the short version of what has made my heart heavy over the last couple of months.

     In merely a week, a friend's mom tragically died unexpectedly, I found out my Aunt had cancer, a friend was extremely depressed due to undeserved meanness continually shown to her, also several people I love dearly showed me very ugly sides of their character all at the same time (which took me by surprise), and one of my closest friends wasn't there for me when I was really upset about all this, and she said some very hurtful words to me. This is only half of the burdens I felt. This doesn't even include all of the stress I had with stuff on my senior to do list. To sum it up in one word I was overwhelmed.

      This all took place in one single week in May. A time when I should have been enjoying my last days as a high school student, but  instead I was miserable. I have an annoying habit of taking on the weight of other people's problems and trying to fix them, so that didn't help the situation at all.
      Three days after I graduated I went on a ten day missions trip to the Dominican Republic. My heart was anything but ready. I was feeling inadequate, disconnected from my team, and apathetic--- which really scared me. This was my first mission trip. I had waited my whole life to do this very thing. Yet, in the midst of what I had yearned to do for so long, I was lacking compassion and a desire to be where I was. It was confusing to say the least, and I certainly didn't want to feel that way. It frustrated me to the point of tears. I continued praying and leaning on God for help and understanding. 
     Despite my confusion, God had told me to go to the Dominican Republic and He honored my obedience. He used me in ways I could've never foreseen. I had the privilege of speaking about the Great Commission (the end of Matthew when Jesus tells His disciples to go into all the Earth making disciples), as well as speak about my own personal testimony and passion regarding missions at an evangelism college in the Dominican. They wanted to start sending out missionaries from their country, but they were unfamiliar with how to do it and the reason to do it. So they asked us to come share with their faculty and board of directors. It was a blessing to me. In preparation for this I was unsure if half of what I wrote was even relevant, but I felt strongly that every word I wrote was what I was meant to say. The people responded better than I could've ever imagined. It strengthened my courage, as well as my faith and purpose.
     Even though God did many, many amazing things in that country, as well as in my heart, when I came back to America I still felt heavy hearted. The following week I met up with several friends at different times who wanted to hear about my trip. The conversation was good, but it wasn't like it usually was, at least for me it wasn't. I didn't leave the conversation feeling lighthearted and refreshed as I always did after spending one on one time with a close friend. I felt like I was meeting with them more out of some sort of friendship duty to be a good friend, so I could check it off of some list. It became more like a chore and I absolutely HATED that. One on one convos with friends are what I LIVE for, so it didn't make any sense. And to make it worse, the one friend that I wanted to talk to more than anything was always busy, and I felt like I was being avoided and lied to. I felt rejected by her, and this wasn't the first time. It was frustrating because I was so excited to share with her about my trip, and I felt like I had to beg for her to hang out with me, to no avail. I missed her and it hurt my heart more deeply than it should have. 
     I am telling you all of this to say that through all of my pain, worry, and confusion God came when I called. Yes, I have continuously prayed about all of these things as they've occurred these last few months, but until this week I had not laid down my pride and truly given God reign. One night as I laid in my bed thinking over everything, I gave every single thing to God. Even the sins that I had been trying to foolishly hide and forget about. I laid it all at His feet, and as always He accepted me with open arms. My heart was finally open to receive the love and healing it needed. This was brought through convicting scriptures, but mostly through my sweet time with my friend Ana today, whom I mentioned when I started this long story.
     When I shared with her the things I was going through right now, she shared with me some of the same wisdom others had shared with me in the past, but until today I wasn't ready to receive it with an open mind. The hardest words of wisdom for me to swallow were the fact that friendships are sometimes just for a season. God puts you in people lives, you plant seeds, and then you let go. She told me that maybe my friendship with that particular girl was just for a season and that season is over. I don't know if this is true, but I can't ignore this possibility as much as I hate it with everything in me. When I'm friends with someone, we're friends for life. I don't like this whole "seasons" idea, but it is Biblical.
      My favorite part of our conversation was when we were able to relate to each others struggles on a heart level, or point out ways the enemy was trying to plant lies or start chaos in each other's lives. Just being able to reveal my heart to someone who loves Jesus and pursues Him in such a similar fashion fills my heart with such an overwhelming amount of joy.
     This week I began at a low place and now I am at a much better place. I am not through the struggles yet, but I feel encouraged, joyful, and confidant in Jesus' love and support of me. I am also very eager to pursue more of what Jesus has for me. I need more. Though friendships are great, I cannot rely on them for all my comfort and wisdom. My main source should be Jesus. That's hard for me to remember all the time, which is why my heart can so easily become heavy-laden. I too often go to other people with my problems expecting relief, when my first instinct should be to run to my heavenly Father. 
     I know that I have shared with you more negative than positive in this blog post today, but I want to be honest with you. A lot of people think Christians never struggle and have it all together. I sure as heck don't. I am a mess that God has graciously and lovingly turned into a story of His magnificent glory. I am forever thankful. Even in my weakness, He is strong. He lifts me up and carries me through the struggle when I call upon Him, and He'll do the same for you.

                                                                                                  Love, Jess
P.S. Listen to this song. It's encouraging. Makes me happy :) 

Feelings Feelings Feelings

     A popular saying these days is a line talking about "being in your feelings". Meaning that you've just taken some time to soak in your feelings, usually ones of misery. We are a race that survives on our feelings, and it is such a dangerous thing to base your decisions and happiness on the feelings of a mere moment.
     I have always struggled with being a people pleaser. Not necessarily meaning that I kiss up to people, but meaning that I simply like to do the right thing, and help people out. This being said, I like to be noticed, appreciated, and complimented when I make an effort to make someone feel special. Who doesn't, right? But I have to be careful because a lot of times, it's how I get filled up. So when I go through times of feeling like I'm invisible and unnoticed, I am absolutely drained, because my feelings of being loved, and so on, are not being fulfilled.
     Something I have been learning of late, is that living off of our feelings is an action that is often tied with our relationship with God. Let me clarify. I am one of those people that when I worship God or get prayer over something, I cry, because I am just so moved. I have attached crying to the idea that God is working in my life, so when I don't cry, I feel as if nothing is happening. I have based my relationship with God on if I cry or not. How messed up is that??? I want to feel that God loves me. Why do I need to feel it? I should just know that God loves me, just by looking at the facts that he has placed before me in the Bible.
     Don't take this the wrong way. Feelings are a totally okay thing to have. God made us to have feelings. But like C.S. Lewis said, "Feelings come and go, and when they come a good use can be made of them: but they cannot be our regular spiritual diet." That's some wise words from one of the greatest theological writers of all time. Our spiritual diet should consist of God's word.
     We shouldn't need to be recognized by other people to lift our spirits. We should invest our hearts in the promises that God has given to us. That He loves us. That we are fearfully and wonderfully made. That in heaven there will be no tears. Ironic, huh? No tears. YIKES. Better get out of my feelings. You too. ;)


                                                                                      Love your friend, Jess

Lies

     Sometimes I hear lies that God doesn't care about me. That I am all on my own in this whole "life" thing. I've gone through so many seasons where I have battled with depression, and Satan takes the opportunity to plant more lies in my head. To tell me that I am unloved, that people just tolerate me, that no one is there for me, least of all God. It is hard to express in words the magnitude of the pain I have experienced. I'd lock myself away from the world, shut everyone out, and just soak in my feelings of rejection and loneliness. I wouldn't want to talk to God, my family, or even my friends. Every time that I would try to turn my back on everything I believed in, God was always right there by my side, even if I didn't feel like He was.
     I love the passage from Isaiah 40:28-31, and reading it in the message version (my favorite version) makes it so much more powerful (simply because it is an easy to understand version of the Bible). It is like a knock back to the reality of knowing the true character of God, not the lies that Satan feeds us. Here are the main points from this scripture:

1. God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
2.  He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. 
3. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
       And He knows everything, inside and out. 
4. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. 
5. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. 
6. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength, they spread their wings and soar like eagles
7.  They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.

     God is not just some deity sitting on some sort of cloud throne. He is our heavenly Father. He does not forget us. He created us. He adores us, loves us, and cherishes us. He laughs when we laugh, He cries when we cry. He knows our every thought and desire. He is our number one fan. He is not against us, He is for us. Most importantly, He loved me and you so much that He gave His only Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He saved us from the death we deserve. How could I, or anybody for that matter, think that someone who goes through all that trouble to make sure that we will spend eternity with Him, doesn't love us? That's absolutely crazy! When I am at my weakest, He is patient with me. I mess up, oh gosh I mess up so much, and I make so many of the same mistakes, yet He still loves and forgives me. That is the ultimate form of love. Even when I try to live life my way, He sticks around, and lovingly reminds me why His plans are the best plans, even though I don't always see it. God will not forsake you. We forsake Him, and the times when I have turned my back on God have been the lowest points in my life. Yet time and time again, He welcomes me into His waiting arms. He's waiting for you too. What are you waiting for?

I Need You --- YES, YOU!

 

   I remember clearly the day that I knew what God had called me to be. I was about four years old. I was driving across a bridge in Louisiana, staring at the clouds out the window, when I knew. I am called to be a missionary. The basic definition of "missionary", is someone who insistently shares the gospel of Jesus Christ. When people think of missionaries, they usually think of people who are revolutionizing in Africa or loving children in the slums of Haiti, but today foreign missions is no longer the forerunner of the mission world. So I don't really know what being a missionary will look like at all for me.
     Despite this, I have always longed to go on a foreign missions trip. Throughout the years I have always tried to go on one, but the door always shut. It was never the right timing, and I just never felt at peace about going. Right now I'm at the tail end of my senior year in high school. I'm about to embark on my journey in college studying Christian theology, and I also now have the opportunity to go on my first foreign missions trip, to the Dominican Republic. You can be sure that I am very excited to see what God has in store in this new adventure, but to be honest I am also afraid. This is something I've waited to do for a long time, and I keep having this fear that when I go, it won't be what I've expected. That it won't feel right, that it won't feel like I'm doing the one thing that I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. That terrifies me. I feel like this trip will define more of what my purpose is, and show me more of who I was made to be. On one hand, I'm very excited to see how I will be transformed, but then again I am afraid of disappointment. And in the midst of all this fear and anxiety, my excitement and passion has been squandered. 

     Even though I am feeling all of these things, I still know that I am supposed to go on this trip. My mind is telling me the truth, that I am right where I am supposed to be, that there is no reason to fear, that I need to trust God, and let go of all the anxiety, in order to rediscover my passion. But this truth hasn't quiet settled into my heart. So I am asking you dear friend, to please keep me in your prayers. I really need them in this season. I really do appreciate your love and support! I will definitely write a follow up blog on my experience, to let you know what God is doing in my heart. I'm saying that, because I know that usually the blogs I write are uplifting, and encouraging, through my personal experiences, but right now I am in the middle of an experience, so this blog is more of a cry for help in a way. I know the dream that God has instilled in my heart, but I need to find that passion again. Most people don't realize the real power that prayer has, but I do, that is why that is the most important way that you can support me, if you feel lead to do so. I love each and every one of my readers so much. Really, the fact that you take the time to read what I write really just touches my heart. So, thank you so much!

                                                                                                 Love your friend,

                                                                                                                      Jess

If you feel moved to support me financially, please click the link below!

The Depths of Despair

    

     Have you ever felt like you're stuck in the depths of despair? Maybe you just have no motivation to do anything, and you come home and want to sleep the day away. Every little thing overwhelms you because it adds on to the never ending exploding mess you're constantly trying to make sense of. Perhaps you've become an easily angered person. It doesn't take much to set you off. Just the sound of someone's voice makes you cringe. Your tolerance level is at an all time low. You find yourself pasting on a smile because you don't want people to see your sadness.
     This my friends, just about perfectly describes me these past weeks. I started off the school year in August very excited and passionate about what God was going to unfold this year. That began to diminish as distractions took over, and God kept getting pushed farther and farther away from being the focal point in my life. Don't get the wrong idea here. I didn't go all out rebel and turn my back on God or anything. I just stopped reading my word every day and spending one on one time with God all the time.
     The longer time went on of me not spending time with God, the worse it got. I began to get really discouraged because I wasn't seeing fruit in the friends that I was trying to bring to Jesus. I invested my love and time into people who couldn't care less, people who continually hurt me over and over again. I would also come home everyday and sleep for several hours, and have no motivation to do anything else. The purpose of my life started to get foggy, and this in turn brought on a whole bunch of confusion, making me question if I'm supposed to be a missionary. This freaked me out. When I was four years old God told me that I was going to be a missionary, so for my whole life this has been sort of a part of who I am. So to be unsure of this made me extremely nervous, especially in the midst of my senior year. I was having a lot of trouble trusting God. In some ways I felt that if I wasn't a missionary, that I would be disappointing God, and all the people that I've told for so long that I am going to be a missionary.
     At this point I was so overtaken by my doubts and discouragement, that the enemy definitely had room to come in and reek some chaos of its own. I didn't want to go to church, to school, or anywhere really. Fun stuff that I would usually jump up and down to go to, I preferred to just stay home.
     Over Christmas vacation, a family member said something that hurt my feelings a bit. It was something really stupid, but I was so sensitive at the time, that you could of said "your hair looks green", and I would've started crying. Ridiculous, right? My mom asked me what was wrong, and I just started overflowing. I couldn't hold in my pain anymore. I had pasted on a smile for too long.
     Today at church I decided that I had had enough of feeling this way, so I went up and asked for prayer from a couple of close friends. I am SO glad I did! I feel so much peace and grace right now. In those few minutes of prayer, I learned so much.

     1. God is not disappointed in me.

     2. My version of God's plan and His version can be different. Even though I've always envisioned my self going on to the mission field after college, His ideas could be very different.

     3. I don't always need to be strong. It's ok to not be ok. I'm the person that people come to because they trust me, and they share their struggles with me, so sometimes I feel like I can't always put all my stuff out there. Though I do think I am usually a pretty transparent person.... but maybe not as much as I think I am.

     4. God knows what He's doing. I can trust Him to follow through when I am faithful in the moment and circumstances that I'm in.

     Pretty awesome stuff right? This was all very encouraging to me. It spoke directly to my heart. It feels like my heart got a little blanket wrapped around it and a cup of hot chocolate. I just feel so good. I'm definitely not completely up to par yet. That will be a process. A process of faith, that I learned about from my pastor in church today.

1. We endure trials    2. Gain Character    3. Establish Faith    4. Obtain Promises

     That's the process of Faith. I am not where I was this morning or yesterday, so already I am better than before. I'm going through trials, I am gaining character, I am reestablishing my Faith in God, and through my continued faithfulness, and pursuit, I will obtain the promises of God. Sounds pretty simple when you see it like that.
      As I was and am struggling with all of this stuff, I have constantly asked myself why I've felt so down. Why am I struggling and confused? Why do I feel like I am being attacked?
      While I was in Church, I was flipping through my notebook, and I found an entry on August 18th, 2014. Which is right before school started. I wrote it when I was at the prayer room  at my church on a Monday night, and Mrs. Jane came up to me and gave me a verse in Philippians 4:13.

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength"

       She told me that that year God was going to use sandpaper on me. That I would be persecuted, and that God didn't want me to quit. That I could do this.
     As soon as I read that it all made sense. CRAZY, RIGHT?!?! That's why I've been feeling this way. In many ways God has been stretching me and pushing me to step out of my comfort zone this year. For the last few weeks I've just felt like quitting. Running the race was too exhausting, I was drained, depressed and I couldn't do it anymore. Then I read that, and I knew I couldn't let the enemy win. I want to persevere, push through, trust God, and overcome all the things that are weighing me down. This is more than a new year for me, this is a new season. God is working on me, and I'm going to make room to let Him. God gives me strength. I shouldn't rely on those things to always come from my friends, family, or even myself. I need to rely on Him.

     We're not alone in our struggles. We can overcome, and find joy, even in the hard times. I promise that if you continue to push closer to God, you will find what you're looking for, because when you're close to God, your desires begin to line up with His. 

     I know that at times, maybe all the time, it feels like life is just a cycle of continuous slaps in the face. Don't lose hope! Be encouraged! Push through it! No matter how hard or boring it may be, continue to read your word daily, even if you still feel awful afterwards, keep pushing in closer to the Lord. Also remember, it's ok to not be ok. We're not perfect, and we ALL struggle. So in the hard times, look for ways that God is trying to shape you in that season. Be open and ready. Share your struggles with other people that are trustworthy, encouraging, and will speak life into you. Sometimes it helps others to know that you're not a perfect human being, but you also just need to let all of your troubles out. Trust me, it really helps. I kept all of this stuff bottled up for awhile. Even when I was smiling, I was crying and pulling my hair out in the inside. Don't do that guys! You'd be surprised how understanding and discerning some people can be when you just pour out your heart to them. Now I'm not telling you to share your life story with the next Billy Bob Smojoe you see. Go talk to a strong Christian friend, pastor, or maybe a parent.

     If you would even like to talk to me, I am happy to lend a ear! I try to make these blogs a bit general so everyone can relate in some ways, but I'm not a top notch writer, so I don't get to everybody, so if you have specific questions or just want me to be praying for you, go ahead and write a note to me in the "Contact Me" section! But of course, Jesus is the best listener of all :)

         Love your friend, Jessie

                                                                                                                     

P.S.

The title "Depths of Despair" is an Anne of Green Gables 

reference for those book lovers out there.

In the World, but Not of It

Worldly.

     This is a term that I am familiar with. I've grown up hearing this term, for it is said often in church. When I was asked to define it today, I didn't really know what to say on the spot. So I'm processing all of this and trying to get a clear understanding of what this word really means.

     The dictionary definition of “worldly” is “relating to, or devoted to, the temporal world.” Worldliness, then, is the condition of being concerned with worldly affairs, especially to the neglect of spiritual things. The Bible has a great deal to say about worldliness, none of it good. 

     Worldliness is based around sinful patterns or  habits of wrongdoing that are common to all man kind. Before we even look at worldliness, we need to have a clear understanding of "sin".
     There are many things that are sins, such as slandering/gossip, adultery, stealing (even something little), murder, saying God's name in vain, and the list goes on and on. Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." That means that if you sin in any way, that you're penalty is death, but because Jesus died on the cross for us, we can accept His gift of eternal life. You may think, well, "I'm a good person, I haven't really done anything super bad." Well, Romans 3:23 says, 

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  

     That means everyone sins. All sin is on the same level, whether it's murder or stealing an eraser, sin is sin. We're all broken. The awesome part about this whole thing, is that Jesus accepts us with all our broken pieces. I consistently go through seasons of repenting for something I'm struggling with, and then going right back to my old habits, and every time I turn back to God, He accepts me with open arms. I don't deserve it, yet there He is, always ready to comfort me and love me. It amazes me every time.
    Now that we have a better understanding of sin, let's look at "worldliness". In Romans 12:2 it says,   

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." 

     Believers are meant to be set apart. When Jesus says that we are not of this world, He means that we are here physically, but we are no longer ruled by sin, nor are we bound by the principles of the world. How are people supposed to recognize us as Christians if we act like everyone else? It's simple, they won't. We are called to be different. Jesus sets it out plainly in Matthew 5:13-16, 

“Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage."
^14-16 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

     How can we be a good example if we take part in worldly pleasures? 1 John 2:15-17 says,

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

^" Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity."

     Being worldly is a problem that everyone has, some just more than others. It is something that we continually have to overcome and resist. We have to reject the temptations of this world, and devote ourselves to living a life that glorifies God, a life filled with sacrifice, courage, and faith.  Jude 1:19 says,

"It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit."

     Someone who is completely worldly, has no spirituality in their life. They have nothing to do with Jesus. They do what they want, how they want, and when they want. They pursue worldly pleasures. I really like this passage from Romans 12:2 that says,

"Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

     The longing to fit in to our society, often causes us to just do what everyone else is doing, even if it's stupid. We become so used to just following the crowd that we're just blending in, not giving a thought to the bigger things that God has for us. It is SO important that we are set apart as Christians. I can't make that clear enough! It's hard, trust me I know. Sometimes, I just want to fit in, and so I let myself go and I act like everyone else, but afterwards it doesn't feel so great. Living my life for Jesus is the most rewarding part of my life. The way that He leads me through my trials and decisions is vital to my very existence. My faith in God has opened so many doors to new adventures, friendships, and struggles that help me to grow in maturity. I'm thankful for every moment.

     Remember, be in the world, but not of it.
    

                                                                  Love,  Jessie Childs

He Speaks

  Let me just start off by saying GOD IS SO GOOD! He really is! Everyday I stand amazed at how much He really loves me. How much He really does care! No matter how many times I mess up (All day Every day), He still accepts me, blesses me, and gives me the world!
   This past weekend I experienced some awesomeness. It was one of those things that is just so bizarre and perfect, that there's no way to explain it, except to point at God. Before I tell you about that, let me give you a little bit of background info.
   I'm the type of person who loves serving. I'm always eager to do whatever God has for me to do next, I always want to make sure that I'm doing things for His Kingdom, and that I'm not just sitting idle doing my own thing.
   So, within these last couple of weeks God has asked me to drop just about EVERYTHING, like the Christian club I created and led, my leadership role in Kid's Church, I quit one job to start my real job full-time, and then I was let go, and it goes on and on. I did it and trusted Him, but I still went a little crazy, because I had no clue what He was doing. I like to be in control, and sometimes I forgot who's really in charge. So of course, I start to take things into my own hands, and put some busyness back into my life. I began to consider joining the worship team at my church, since I had so much more free time. I started talking to my youth pastor and his wife about joining.
    I prayed about this for weeks. I wanted to know that this was definitely something that God was leading me to commit to, instead of just jumping right into it. At first, I was at peace about the whole thing, just waiting for God to speak His mind. Then as weeks went by I began to become anxious, and started having doubts about whether I've ever really heard God speak to me, and I would second guess all the thoughts I had about making a decision, because I didn't know if it was God or just me trying to speed things along. So complicated.
    Finally, I just asked the youth pastor's wife if I could just try out, and maybe sit in on a couple sessions, to see how it felt. I told her that God still hadn't made anything clear, and a lot of times when I just start doing something, I'll know if it's what I'm supposed to be doing or not.
   The day right before we were supposed to talk about it again, I was heading to a Matt Gilman worship set, with my mom. My mom and I were just talking about random life stuff, nothing that was related to the worship team, when a thought suddenly cut through all my other thoughts. The words were so clear in my mind, and I just knew with everything in me that it was God. He said, "Jessie, I dropped all of these things out of your life for a reason. I want you to be available." All it took was God speaking, and my chaos turned into understanding and peace. Every time I think about it, I just want to do a happy dance. GOD IS SO GOOD!
   Now that I know what God wants this season to be for me,  I've been trying to figure out what being "available" means. One thing that happened a while ago, was I kept getting the name Hannah* in my head. For several days, this girls name continued popping into my head. So finally, I said, "Ok, God, I hear you! I'll reach out to this girl!"
   I've only met this girl one time, and it was almost a year ago. She was super sweet, but still a complete stranger. We both followed each other on instagram, so I messaged her and said, " Hi Hannah*! So I know this is completely random and you don't know me at all, but I feel like I'm supposed to get to know you. I don't know how or when, but your name just popped into my head, and I have this strong sense that we're supposed to be friends, and that our friendship would bless one another.  So if you're interested in meeting up sometime my number is 'insert numbers here' : ) If this freaked you out I apologize, Jesus asks me to do awkward things sometimes, so yeah, here I am."
   Now, this is not like me to just put myself out there like that. I hate the feeling of being rejected, so a lot of times that stops me from doing all the things I could.
   Anyways... Hannah* texts me a couple hours later and says, " Hey girl! It's Hannah*. Don't worry, your message wasn't freaky, your obedience to The Lord is awesome :) this is crazy, I've been praying for Christian sisterhood. I would totally be interested in meeting up sometime soon!"
   I was blown away by her response. She actually PRAYED for Christian sisterhood and then BOOM, God tells me to talk to her.
   So my awesome experience from this past weekend was when I finally got to meet up and have lunch with Hannah*.
   The entire lunch time was such a blessing! We could've probably talked for days. We are both introverts, which if you've read my blog titled, "Small Talk? No Thanks", then you know why that is such a big deal for me. It basically meant that from the get go, we were open with one another, we shared our life stories, our struggles, our joys, and even things that we've only shared with one or two people.  Several times we had to stop talking and just sit in awe of how alike we were. The similarities in our thought processing, character, and many other things, was just astonishing! Can you see how awesome God is? He took two people. Strangers. Brought them together and formed a heart connection. He knew that we'd be good for one another. Only God could do something this amazing, and find someone so specifically in tune with me. It's just absolutely CRAZY!!
   My advice to you is this, when you hear some kind of crazy urging inside of you to reach out to someone or something related, DO IT! Step out and be bold! You never know what's in store.

                                 Love,  Jessie Childs

*name changed for anonymity

Life & Death Are His

 {Cool Fact: This is a post I wrote on another blog when I was in 7th grade}

"Cursed be the day in which I was born!... Why did I come forth from the womb to see labor and sorrow, that my days should be consumed with shame?" 

        This doesn't sound like one of God's greatest prophets. Yet it is! It's Jeremiah, pouring his heart out to God, wishing he'd never been born. Everyone has felt that way at one time or another. Most of us have wished we could just check out of this life. For some, though, that desire gets so intense they act on it. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among American teenagers. Teenage suicides have tripled in the last 25 years. Why do so many young people decide life isn't worth it? What does God say about suicide? What can we do to guard against suicide? 
     There are many reasons people take their lives. Everyone occasionally faces despair, but why does one person make it through the struggle while another ends his life? The critical factor is loss of hope. A suicidal person looks at his or her problems and says, "It's dark outside, and I'm powerless to change things. I have no hope that things will get better. Why live through the pain?"What does God think about suicide? Unfortunately the Bible does not give a simple here's-what-God-says-about-the-issue answer. But it does give us some helpful principles. 
     First, man isn't the author of life, God is. There are no "self-made" men or women. You're here because God made you in His image, because He loves you, He wants to know you, and He wants you to know Him. When someone commits suicide he or she is saying, "Look, God, you goofed when you let me slip into this world. So I'm going to correct your mistake." Life and death are God's territory. By you choosing to take your own life you're taking away God's authority. To trespass on that holy ground means you've decided to play God. All sin is playing God---choosing to do what you want instead of what God wants---and suicide is a sin. But suicide is playing God in a major way, and God does not look on it lightly. The only unpardonable sin today is that of continued unbelief. There is no pardon for a person who dies in unbelief. No, the person who takes His own life cannot ask forgiveness, but we are not forgiven for our unerring faithfulness in asking forgiveness. We are forgiven because of God's mercy and Jesus' death on the cross. That is bigger and more reliable than any of our efforts. Thank God! So, I believe that if someone commits suicide, and has given their life to Jesus, they have gone to heaven. 
     This doesn't mean suicide is okay. Actually, suicide is one of the most selfish, cowardly, and hateful acts anyone can commit. Those who have ever had to deal with someone's suicide know: the emotional devastation for those left behind is unbelievable. Suicide doesn't solve problems. It dumps them on someone else, multiplied many times over. Don't believe the lie that, everyone will be better off without you. They won't. You'll just cause overwhelming pain and heart break. So what do you do when you--or someone you care about----decide that you want to simply end it all? 
     First, remember you're NOT alone. Everyone has felt that way. There are many people who have already walked the very path your walking, that can give you advice and help you. Please, please, please don't believe the lie that you are alone! It is not true! You are so loved by your heavenly Father!
     Secondly, don't lose hope. Things can get better. Sometimes all  you need is time. Mitch Anthony, founder of the national Suicide help center, puts it like this: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's like cutting off your leg, because your little toe hurts."          
     Third, know the danger signals that someone might be considering suicide: someone going through a family crisis; being the victim of abuse or neglect; drug abuse (yours or a family member's); death of a friend or family member; approaching the anniversary of a significant loss or death; previous suicide attempts; family history of suicide; preoccupation with death and/or talk of suicide. If you or a friend are experiencing one or more of these signals, talk to someone you can trust--someone trained to help you with your struggle. Counseling is extremely important. There is nothing wrong with needing help. I readily admit that I need help all the time. I have, and at times still do, struggle with depression. I talk to a close friend about it and ask them to pray for me. I can't do it alone, and neither can you.
     Finally, remember, even if it seems no one else cares about you and your pain, God cares. He cares deeply. Pour your troubles out to Him. He understands because He, too, has experienced the depths of human experience. When you are tempted to give up, to take the coward's way out and end it all, remember what Winston Churchill once said: "Success is never final; failure is never fatal; it is courage that counts." And Jesus says, "Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

     You don't know what people are going through, so be kind. 

                                                                                     Love, 
                                                                                         Jessie Childs 

Small Talk? No, thanks.

     For as long as I can remember, I have consistently asked for prayer to overcome my "shyness". I've always felt that I'm supposed to be super outgoing and persistent in my pursuit of conversation with people. I thought I was so weird because I absolutely hate group settings (for the most part). I live for one-on-one conversations. Those are the moments when I feel most alive. There's nothing like that feeling you get when you connect with someone at the heart level. I've often told people that I have the hardest time "small talking". I like to get to know someone on a deep level by having intimate conversations, and then small talk, because then the "small talk" isn't really "small talk" anymore. It's deep "talk". It's meaningful "talk". Just today, I've come to discover that it's not such an odd idea at all. It's normal. At least for me it is. I'm what this world would call an introvert. I ran across this list written by a guy named Carl, who is also an introvert. I think he's been watching me.
Check it out: [The blue words are me talking]

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

[This is totally me!]

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

[Yup, this is me too. I have a really hard time walking up to people, unless I'm super close to them. It doesn't matter if they're standing alone or in a group, I just can't do it. My interactions need to have a point, once again going back to the whole "I don't like to small talk" thing. Sometimes I really struggle with finding something to say to someone. A lot of times I really want to talk with someone, but I just don't know where to start, which is why I love it when people seek me out and just start chatting away, and asking me about what's going on in my life.]

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

 [Wow. That's my life. I really pride myself on being honest with people. One of the things that I always try to do is encourage people. I'm really good at telling people the things that I love about them, but I mostly only do that through text or in a card, saying stuff in person usually terrifies me. With girls, it's a lot easier for me to express my admiration and love for them, and to give encouragement. with guys I find it a lot harder, because I don't want to come across as flirtatious when I'm just being sincere. Also, in conversations I just wanna get to the point, I don't like dragging stuff out.]

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

[I have a good core group of close friends, but I can most certainly count my very close friends on one hand. I do believe that the above statement describes me well. I try my hardest to always let my friends know how much they mean to me and how much I truly do cherish their friendship.]

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

[This one is kind of me. It just depends on what the event is. If I'm chillin' at someones house, lets drag this thing out all day, if we're in a big group out on the town...I need a nap. Usually in big group events, I'll sort of fade into the background, and I just sit back and observe the way people interact with each other, and then I'll come out of my seclusion every now and again. I just really like  being around people who are having fun, and sometimes I just like to sit there and soak it in. That's one side of me. The other side of me is wild. I'll have those times where I am so in the zone, and I'm jumping from conversation to conversation, trying to make everyone feel welcome, and I really enjoy that side of me too, it can just be exhausting being "on" all the time, those are the times I definitely need to be recharged]

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

[That's me to the T. I probably drive my mom nuts telling her about all of my books or new music I discovered, etc]

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

[I believe this is me a lot of the time, but I do follow the crowd sometimes. At times, I just can't take being the odd one out, so sometimes, I'm sad to admit this, but I compromise.]

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

[I would say that I can very easily recognize the things that I'm struggling with emotionally. I spend a lot of time thinking, analyzing, and focusing on my ideals, struggles, and decisions. This has helped me to grow a lot in my spiritual walk.]

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

[At times when it is really chaotic, I have definitely been known to crawl up into my shell, or to become grumpy as I shutdown. I love my quiet time. Even though I like being in charge, sometimes I prefer other people to organize events, because I can't enjoy myself during the event it self. Knowing that I'm in charge and responsible, I won't be able to enjoy myself and relax because I'm trying to make sure everyone else is having a good time. There are other times though, when I thrive in a room filled with activity.]

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

---------------------------[Below is me talking]-----------------------------------

Isn't that list awesome? Well, if you're not an introvert (which only 25% of the world is) then maybe it's not so awesome to you, but to me, this list is a life changer. It changed my entire perspective of myself. This helps me to understand the way I function. It will also help me to overcome my insecurities for the things that I've always looked at as "social awkwardness". If you're an introvert like me, I really hope this article has helped you the way it has me. If you're an extrovert, this still benefits you. This will help you to better be able to reach out and communicate with people like me.

I also want to put a disclaimer here: Just because I'm an introvert, doesn't mean that God can not use me. It does not mean that I am shy. It does not mean that I'm not bold. If I pray for boldness, God will give it to me. Even though this list does not describe being introverts as a bad thing, it does not mean that I am defined by this list. I am not saying that I have to change my personality because I feel like I should be more outgoing. It just means that the power of God has no boundaries. He breaks all the stereotypes and labels we put on ourselves, and ultimately will strive to transform us into the man or woman of God we were made to be. This list has most definitely helped me, but it does not make me. The same goes for you.

Being bold doesn't always mean standing up in front of a big group of people and declaring the gospel to the nations. Sometimes it's just stepping out of your own mind and reaching out to one person. That could be your form of boldness. Do It Afraid. That's where boldness is born and fear is defeated.

I hope this post has been helpful! Blessings to you! Tell me your thoughts! : )

                                                                                                                                    Love,

                                                                                                                                         Jess

Lock Eyes With The Culture

     Our summer is quickly coming to a close, and a new season is coming. For me, it's my senior year. My very last year in high school. At first I was a little terrified. Who wouldn't be? This year signifies the ending of my childhood and the beginning of my journey as an independent adult. For as long as I can remember all I've wanted was to get out of high school and get out on a mission field, to share the love of Jesus with the world. Over the last couple of months God has been showing me that my mission field is wherever I am. I realize that now more than ever.  I'm so ready and open to allowing God to embolden me to be a light in my school. It scares me, but I am ready.
    I've been reading this awesome book by Tim Suttle, called "Public Jesus". It's so thought provoking. In chapter 1, he tells the story of a woman at his church named Wendy. Wendy was driving on a bridge with her husband when she noticed a woman standing on the side of the bridge. She said, "Oh my gosh, Tom, she's gonna jump! That lady's gonna jump! Turn around!" Tom turns the car around, she hops out, broken foot and all, jumps over the guardrail and goes over to this woman. Wendy can tell the woman is distraught. By this time she's on the outside of the fence. Wendy starts speaking to her, and the woman is crying, obviously upset. So Wendy reached her hands as far as she could through the chain-link fence and starts grabbing ahold of her clothing and saying, "You don't wanna do this." Wendy said that at one point the woman looked at her and they locked eyes. She realized in that moment, "I just have to maintain eye contact." She kept saying words of hope to her and the woman was sharing a little bit about what was going on, why she was in the state that she was in, and Wendy's holding on to her, and they're locking eyes.
   Tim then goes on to say,"I remember at the time thinking, that's what it means to be a Christian. It's that we lock eyes with the culture somehow. However it is, we're just available. She was just driving to work. She wasn't on the mission field. She's not a preacher. She was driving to work and saw some woman in trouble, and she goes and she locks eyes with her and she holds on and doesn't let her do this awful thing she's planning to do."
   "Finally, the police showed up and a fireman in a harness pulled the lady off the ledge. But I think what lasts with me from that story is this image of locking eyes with the culture. Somehow, this is a part of what it means to be a disciple. We're obligated and so we grab a hold of people and lock eyes with them, and we try to speak words of hope. When the rest of the world speaks or lives, desperation and meaningless and death and destruction and what does it all mean, we speak hope, we speak resurrection, and that this somehow changes reality."
   Ok, it's me, Jessie. Wasn't that amazing? It's totally true and completely applicable. As Christians, we are called to lock eyes with the world each and every day. It's why we're here. Yes, we are set apart, but it is vital that we connect with the world. We can't unplug everything, sit in our room, praying all day, waiting for Jesus to return. Our mission is to reach out and touch the hearts of everyone around us. In Matthew 5:13-16, Jesus clearly explains what it means to be a human being in the world. I'm going to paste it in the message version because that version really brings the text to life.

¹³ “Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

^14-16 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

   Don't you just love that??? Our faith is public. Jesus is public. "We organize our common life together in such a way that we image God to all creation. We don't separate out into a Christian ghetto: we lock eyes with the world and shine a light into the darkness." We bring out the God-flavors in the world.We're living in an imperfect world, where sin runs free. We have the power to reveal God's love to the world, the power to look into people's eyes and give them hope for a better future. "The church is to be the physical manifestation of the spiritual reality that Jesus is the world's true Lord. We are not simply content to be going to heaven when we die and to sit idly by while the world goes to hell in a hand basket. We are obligated by our vocation as God's image-bearing creatures to invade public space with the good news that Jesus is the world's true Lord."
   So, as summer comes to a close, whether you're going back to school, continuing work as a teacher, a plumber, a lawyer, or a receptionist, everything you do, no matter where you are, has a purpose. In every situation, you have the unique opportunity to lock eyes with the culture and speak life in to someone's situation. Seize the day!