How You Became a Victim of Yourself

     At the beginning of this summer I prayed a dangerous prayer. It was words you don't say unless you are looking for God to completely wreck your world, in a good way, but in a way that hurts. It can better be defined as God refining you through the flame. You can't expect to be placed in fire, endure change, and not experience a little pain along the way. That's what my summer has been like so far. God has been refining me. A lot.  And he started at the root of everything.

     

Bitterness.

      It is not a good friend. It only lets you think it is your friend. It is your greatest companion when it comes to telling you the words you want to hear, and then pairing up with pride and insecurity, making everything more difficult than it needs to be. It gives you a sense of entitlement, making you think you deserve recognition, an apology, or gives you a strong desire to see that particular person humiliate themselves by confessing how you were right and they were always wrong. It feels good for a little bit, but eventually it eats you up. It hardens your heart and makes it impossible for you to love. In other words, you can not practice compassion when you have resentment. Bitterness is harboring a grudge of unforgiveness. And the Bible says that when you can't forgive others, neither will the Lord forgive you. For who are we to deny someone forgiveness when we ourselves are imperfect beings?

     I'm sure everyone reading this can attest to being burned over the years. You've been abandoned by a family member or a friend, or someone you loved hurt you deeply. Maybe you had a moment when you promised yourself that you'd never let anyone hurt you like that again, that no one would make you feel like you were the ground they walked on, and in turn, without realizing it, you hurt yourself more by making yourself numb to any feeling at all. Maybe you've been verbally, or physically abused to the point that you've lost faith in the goodness of humanity. You've lost hope that there is anyone in this world that truly knows how to love, and in the process you've forgotten how to love at all. Or maybe you never feel appreciated. You do so much for others, and put your everything into all you do, but you don't get a second glance. Or perhaps you also always get stuck with all the work, because no one else will step up and help. So something that should be a team effort becomes a solo effort. But a lot of times that's our own fault, because we're too prideful to give other people part of the responsibilities because we can do it better. And so our blame game, really ends with us a lot of the time.

     The things that bother you are much deeper than pet peeves most of the time. You need to evaluate those things and figure out what the deeper reason is for those situations that are bothering you. For example, my tendency to get easily frustrated and angry is a generational curse. For all of us, whether we want to admit it or not, our own attitudes are the problem. I am not saying that other people haven't affected us to make us get to the high level of bitterness we've attained. Trust me, I know, I am speaking from a heck of a lot of experience. Bitterness doesn't just come out of nowhere. Most of the time, our bitterness starts at a place of frustration or hurt that was genuine. I am simply saying that it is our choice to let those things fester inside of us until they become a terrible, soul eating monster that even we can't tame. It makes us a victim, not to others, but principally, of ourselves. We need to recognize that, there, in those dark places of loneliness, pride, fear, and insecurity, our soul-sucking frenemy, bitterness was birthed.

     What I've learned in my journey to what I call "Whole-Hearted" living, is that all of my problems are connected (bitterness, pride, insecurity, etc), and I've also learned that it is vitally important to understand where these issues were birthed. I've been reading a book called "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown and it is life changing. Seriously, if you want to learn what living a wholehearted life looks like, this book is great help with that. She challenges you to figure out, what are your triggers? What are the lies that you tell yourself? Our self-talk needs to be uplifting, because the same way a mean word to a friend would cut them deeply, your own words to yourself cut with that same depth if not deeper.

      Okay, here's what I'm getting at..... the root of bitterness is pride, insecurity, and even fear, and the root of those things is a lack of self confidence. When I am less confident in who I am through Christ, I am more likely to take criticism, or things that appear as so, very hard, because it hurts my pride, and I am prideful because I am insecure. Secure people are not prideful, because they are not trying to prove anything to anyone. They know who they are, and are completely satisfied with how God made them. Secure people are very humble. Therefore, because I can be prideful, which in turn reveals my insecurity, I get bitter and even angry, because I feel vulnerable and hurt.

     You and I have a problem with letting the world see the real you. Authenticity is not something that someone just has. It is something that you have to wake up and say, "Today I choose to be authentic." Because if you choose to be somebody that's not you, and you're not accepted, it hurts more when they can't even accept the people pleasing character you chose to be that day. But when you are yourself and people don't accept you, well then they don't deserve your friendship. Find people who will love you as you are, but also love you enough to tell you when you're making mistakes and be with you by your side through it. That's true friendship.

     The true definition of compassion comes from the latin words pati and cum, meaning "to suffer with". When someone truly loves you, and is practicing compassion, they won't just lay it on you and then leave you to pick up the pieces, they will tell you the truth and help you find your way. For you see, "compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity." Real friends suffer with you.

      It takes courage to be yourself. In Latin, courage originally meant "to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart". Brene Brown says, "Speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we're feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage. Ordinary courage is about putting vulnerability on the line." The more real you are, the more alive you'll feel, and the less affected you are by what people think of you. I didn't say you aren't affected at all by what people think. Because when you don't care at all what people think, you are immune to hurt, and are ineffective at connecting. Courage is telling your story, not being immune to criticism. When you do this you'll have confidence, humility, and true compassion. Being real means, asking for what you really need. That's brave. It means not playing down the exciting stuff, because that doesn't make your pain any less when it doesn't happen. It takes away the joy when something awesome does happen, and it also makes you feel lonely. If something is important to you make it known. Don't brag about it, but don't hide your true feelings. It is prideful to not share that you really want something, because you're afraid people will judge you for being confident or judge you even more if you don't get it and you talked about it with such assurance.

     There's a difference between humble confidence and prideful confidence. But realize that humble confidence doesn't mean saying things like, "Yeah, I hope I get it, but who knows, eh, maybe not, I am not really that skilled for it, so who knows." That is insecurity. You need to say, "I'm excited about the possibility. I'm trying to stay realistic, but I really hope it happens." That's humble confidence, my friends. The key is to be AUTHENTIC. You see, "courage has a ripple effect. Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver."

     We can only truly experience real belonging when we present our imperfect, authentic selves to the world and are accepted for who we are. A lot of us experience a heavy amount of shame when it comes to sharing our story and our downfalls. Shame is pretty much the fear of being unlovable--- it is the complete opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy, and we've worked so hard to make everything look just right on the outside. Allow me to tell you a secret, this is why shame absolutely loves perfectionists---it is so easy to keep us quiet.

     We need to develop shame resilience. This is "the ability to recognize shame, to move through it constructively while maintaining worthiness and authenticity, and to ultimately develop more courage, compassion, and connection as a result of our experience... the less we talk about shame, the more we have it." Shame loses power when it is spoken. That is why it is so important to share our struggles. Be courageous and shine light on your dark places. I can't tell you how many times God has worked through me and others in powerful ways  when we shared the horrible, dark experiences of our hearts. Because a lot of times other people are going through that same darkness and they need to know they're not the only one.

     But our stories are not for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If you have someone in your life who can hear your shame stories, and hear your good and your bad, and I mean all of it, and love you the same way, if not more because of it, then consider yourself extremely lucky. Seriously, you don't need to share your story with everyone. Everyone doesn't need to know where your bitterness, pride, and insecurity were birthed. Some people won't be able to handle it, some people will make you experience more shame because of your vulnerability, and they won't treasure your story. You are worthy, and anyone who makes you feel anything less because of what you've been through, isn't worthy of hearing your story.

      So I've told you that you need to be authentic. But how? Here's three steps:

 1. Cultivate the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable

2. Exercise the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle

3. Nurture the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough 

     Be real. That is one of the most courageous battles you'll ever fight.  So to wrap this up, be real, be honest in love, and recognize the signs of shame, pride, insecurity and bitterness stirring inside of you. Don't let bitterness take over your life. It is painful. The only way to truly overcome bitterness is to be authentic. Don't pretend that things don't bother you. Don't just say yes because you don't want to disappoint. If you say yes, make sure you're saying HECK YES, and aren't going to resent that person later because you didn't have the guts to say no like you wanted to. Don't be anything that doesn't represent the amazing soul that you are. Be true to yourself. As cheesy as that sounds, it is important. Evaluate the way you live, and ask yourself, "Is my life doing justice to the person I was created to be or am I squandering more and more of my identity as each day passes? And am I wasting away, saturating my thoughts and heart in bitter thoughts and self-pity?" Consider your answers, and take action. Make a move. Wake up and say, "Today I choose authenticity." Be confident in who you are. You are beautiful. You are perfectly made. You are loved. You are worthy. Own those truths. Own your story, all of it. I pray that the truths God has been revealing to me help you the way they helped me in my struggle to overcome bitterness.

     If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me! Also some other books that are amazing with overcoming strongholds you have on your life, as well as recognizing them, are "Breaking Free" & "So Long, Insecurities" by Beth Moore. If there are other things you're struggling with that you need a good book for let me know and I'll recommend something! For example, if you have ever had a struggle with an addiction to porn, a really good book is "Dirty Girls Come Clean" by Crystal Renaud. The Beth Moore books cover a lot though, like pride, and childhood hurts, and such, and it is very powerful. Thank you for reading all of this! I hope you've been blessed!

Blessings,
Jessie Childs

Rising from the Ashes of a Broken Life

I know it has been a very long time since I have written anything on here. It's not for lack of trying. I can't even tell you how many times I've sat down over the last few months to try to write even just a little something, and then I've ended up staring at the screen for an hour with not a single thought that I felt I should put into writing. I didn't know what to write. I have been in such a broken, sad place that I couldn't find the words to encourage you when I couldn't even encourage myself. Then today I knew it was the day. It was the day for me to share my heart with you all. I am going to be honest. I am going to be real. This is my life. I cannot tie difficulties that are happening in my life to a single season. Every problem is one that is complex and is created over time, not just in an instant. This story is not short. It is not simple, yet it is not grand. And it is not all pretty. But it is mine. The beginning of this story is all sad, but don't stop reading, the end has joy and even peace.

Depressed. Anxious. Fearful. Apathetic. Frustrated. Angry. Rejected. Hurt. 

These are words that I would use to describe how I felt these last few months. A lot of what I was feeling I blamed on the fact that it was my first semester of college, so at first a lot of the symptoms that there was something deeper to what I was feeling went unnoticed. My relationship with God was frustrating. I was still going to church, bible study, and other things, but my alone time with God started to become non-existent. I didn't want to talk to him because I was feeling a lot of shame, and unworthiness. I am a Christian Theology major and more and more as the school year went on I realized how much I didn't know about my faith, and it overwhelmed me and made me feel like a failure as a Christian. So I just stopped seeking him with the same fervency I used to. I don't know what made me think that that would make my life better, because obviously it did not. To give a name to this struggle, I was being attacked by "legalism". This is when your faith becomes more about the knowledge and the rules, then it is about the relationship with God.

  Now when I say I was experiencing depression I don't use that word lightly. I wasn't "depressed" because I got a bad grade on something. I was hurting deeply. At random times, I would be extremely sad for no reason. Like on Christmas morning, when I should be rejoicing in the birth of our Savior, I was crying for absolutely no reason. I would just want to sleep all the time, be by myself, and I had no passion for my usual interests and even for my future vocation as a missionary. And even worse, this didn't even phase me as a problem at the time. I was very pessimistic and hopeless, even though I didn't usually voice those thoughts. Along with all of that I became more and more wrapped up in fear. Everything that I could possibly be anxious about, I was. I gave my self stress stomach pains because I worried and over-analyzed so much, which of course worried me even more because I didn't want to get another ulcer. A little less than a month ago I experienced a panic attack on two different days for about 10 hours each. My throat would close and it was very difficult to breathe. 

Sickness seemed to be attacking me from all sides this past year. And not all of it was even serious things. Some of it was mostly just annoying. Looking back now I realize that the enemy was just trying to harass me and get on my nerves. In 2014 I was diagnosed with PCOS, which is a syndrome that makes me have to take medicine everyday to have my cycle, and it causes problems with having children, and has other possible symptoms, including cancer, which thank God I do not have. A couple of months later, I got a stomach ulcer, which if you've never experienced this, let me be the first to tell you that it is excruciatingly painful. At this point I was done. I had had enough. I could barely move, and so I made myself go get prayer at my church for healing for both of these things. I hadn't been taking my pills for a month because I was believing in healing. After getting prayer, the very next morning I was healed from my PCOS and my ulcer. Then last semester I realized I had PCOS again. I still believe that God healed me, and that I can be healed again. But these past few months I haven't found my peace in God, and I allowed the enemy's doubt and fear to control my mind.

In college, making friends wasn't a hard thing for me to do. It felt like the best possible friends I could have for this new season fell right into my lap. They were a blessing to be sure. We connected so, so, so quickly and deeply. Yet I was having trouble being transparent and completely honest about my feelings and thoughts, because I was too afraid of stepping on someone's toes. I have been so seriously hurt by one-way friendships the past few years, that before I knew what hit me, the way that I approached new relationships completely changed. Especially my senior year when all of the hurt just got piled on so much that one bad friend was the last straw. I put so much love into this friendship and got so rejected that I became too afraid to love people at my greatest capacity, because I couldn't stand to be hurt like that again. I guess some of this kind of sounds contradictory in some aspects, so let me clarify. This past semester, I was still myself, but I only shone through in little cracks of time, for the confidant woman of God that usually defines me for the most part was no where to be seen. If you asked my friends if that was an accurate statement they probably would say no, but I know what I used to be like. I know what it felt like to have an unquenchable passion pumping through your veins to do something great for God, always looking for a place to step up to leadership to change the lives of those around me. I felt like I was walking around with a chasm the size of the ocean that replaced everything I am. It made me sick inside. I had turned into more of an introvert than I ever used to be and I hated defining myself that way, and allowing others to do the same. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being an introvert, but I had began to take on that label in a way that was life changing. I became increasingly less patient, more easily frustrated, and less enjoyable to be around as the semester came to a close. All of these things that I am sharing with you are so clearly attacks from the enemy, but in the moment I was just trying to get through each day, so I wasn't able to call it out for what it was.

Then going into Christmas break carrying all of this on my back and heart, I was extremely overwhelmed by all of these feelings that seemed so complex to address. Remember, at this point I had not been able to identify what I was going through as depression, or any of the other words. This revelation happened after meeting with my friend Elizabeth who was asking for some insight on a friend at her school that takes medicine for anxiety and depression. I knew something was up when I was able to clearly understand this girl I didn't even know. So I started to research a lot, and then I told my mom what I had been experiencing with depression and anxiety. My mom and I have always had a very honest, strong relationship but still this was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had, yet it was so life giving to finally tell someone. I was even ready to go to counseling if that was what I needed. Thankfully though, it didn't need to come to that. A few days later I met with a precious friend of mine, whose friendship is nothing short of God divine. She began to share with me all of the issues and struggles she's had lately, and it was the same exact things I've been battling with, including feeling extremely sad on Christmas. How crazy is that? That day was the first day in many, many months that I felt any real breakthrough in my life. That whole day I just basked in the presence of the Lord, driving around singing praises at the top of my lungs. I finally felt God's peace through all of my problems. It was a beautiful day.

Then later on that week was when I experienced the panic attacks I mentioned earlier. That was hands down the enemy trying to discourage me from the progress I had made. "No way, Satan!" was my reply. I wasn't going to let him get to me. I started reading this book called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore, and I had more spiritual growth in two weeks than I had had in the last six months. Her book talks about the five things that every Child of God should be experiencing on a daily basis (To know God and believe Him, to glorify God, to find satisfaction in God, to experience God's peace, to enjoys God's presence) and the obstacles that keep you from experiencing these things (Unbelief, Pride, Idolatry, Prayerlessness, and Legalism). All of these things of which I was struggling with in different capacities and Beth Moore does a beautiful job of convicting you but all speaking love and life over you. She shows you how to speak the word and find breakthrough and freedom from these strongholds. I highly recommend this book.

I know I am writing a lot, but it has been such a long time since I've written and so much has happened, I can't help but share. Through all of these things God has been teaching me so much. Firstly, I have so many things that I can be stressed about right now, but above all of it I feel so much peace. I have a boldness and a passion once again that I can not wait to express. God can give me all the boldness in the world, but unless I choose to act out and use it, it is useless. I need to stand up and fight against the enemies attacks to try to hold me back from what God has for me. The attacks on my life and yours have much more to do with who you might be in the future than who you have been in the past. The enemy fears you becoming who God has made you to be. When you find yourself struggling with legalism and feelings of worthlessness, I want you to remember what I am about to say. In the Bible, when Jesus goes to be baptized by John the Baptist, he has not yet done any works for God. He has done nothing. Yet God says, "This is my Son in whom I am well pleased". Strip away your titles in leadership, and every other thing that people use to define you, and know that that is the person who God is well pleased with. You don't have to do anything for God to be pleased with you. So lets stop trying to reach some kind of unrealistic goal we've made for ourselves, because we will always be striving in a way that only breeds discouragement. Evaluate your life and take a serious look at where you've set your priorities. Your quite time with God should be put at the top of your list, above all of your other commitments. I can't stress enough how important that is. You won't be able to function in any capacity as a Godly leader if you're not seeking his presence.

For a long season God asked me to step down from many of the leadership positions I had regarding ministry and other things, because I had gotten so caught up in "doing His work" that I often forgot that being a Christian is about the relationship. And as often as I hear that as a Christian who has grown up in church you'd think I'd understand that by now, but it's obvious that God continues to teach us more about the things we thought we already had an understanding of. And now, after a lot of molding and purging, God has opened up the doors to a new season where I can be able to minister to others in a greater capacity again. Because God knew that where I was a year and a half ago was a very broken, wounded place, and if he hasn't stopped me to focus on him, I probably never would have, therefore I wouldn't have been in a place to surrender to Him and ask him to put me back together. I have so much more that I want to share with you, but this blog is definitely turning into more of a novel, so I'll leave you with this: Broken people who aren't giving their brokenness to God can't pour into other broken people. Let God fill the cracks between your shattered pieces, and use your story to show his glory. Because your story matters.

Best Week Ever

September 11th, 2015. (Date actually written)

     Saying this has been very exciting week for me would be the understatement of the year. I have looked forward to this week from the beginning of June. You see, my favorite artist, Jimmy Needham came and did a concert one night, and worship the following two days at my college. I was asked to do his merchandise table so I was blessed to have a chance to be able to really talk to him several times. Okay, I'll be honest, I was majorly fan-girling. How could I not? I listen to his songs on shuffle and repeat all the time. Just WAIT, this whole blog isn't going to be me drooling. I am writing this because in some small way I want to bless the man who has allowed God to work in him. Which created music that is not only inspired and poetic, but speaks power. Its power comes from the truth it contains. He sings the scriptures. Words that were breathed out by God. I have been convicted, humbled and blessed by his songs. And what has blessed me even more is getting to see first hand that this man walks the walk. He doesn't just perform, get his money, and go. He's the real deal. He admits his struggles and his downfalls, but also shares his victories and gives all the glory to God. Getting to see just a glimpse of a heart that is so desperately in love with the creator has ministered to my own heart.
     This week and even before this week, God has been lovingly showing me how the closer I get to Him(God) and the more I devote myself to Him, the more I will become the woman of God in the fullness I desire to be. I struggle with very high anxiety, which has made it very difficult for me to fully surrender and trust God at times. It's a daily battle. I have to wake up each day, and say "okay God, this day is yours. I trust you to guide me, and give you the reins." Sometimes I just want to have control, because I think I could do it better. My heart knows that God's ways are best, but my mind takes over sometimes and tells me "You know what's best for you, do it your way". That gets me absolutely no where. When I'm struggling with surrendering to God, lyrics from a song called "Hurricane" by Jimmy Needham really speak to me.

I have built a city here Half with pride and half with fear Just wanted a safer place to hide I don't want to be safe tonight 
[Chorus]I need You like a hurricane Thunder crashing, wind and rain To tear my walls down I'm only Yours now I need you like a burning flame A wild fire untamed To burn these walls down I'm only Yours now 

I'm only Yours now  

       

     I don't sing these lyrics lightly. This is a cry to the heavens from my soul, asking the Father to do what needs to be done. To tear down our walls of bitterness, pride, self-hate, depression, but most of all to uncover the buried sins we've tried so hard to conceal. It's painful. We want to hold on to them. Why? Simple. We have become comfortable in our sin. Give it up. All of it. Lay it down at His feet. Let Him wreck you and turn you upside down so you can be right side up. This doesn't mean that you need to start overwhelming yourself by doing every single Bible study, and reading the whole Bible in day, and making it into some kind of insanely unrealistic task list.

"Doing my best to hide my mess, But all we need is need." - Jimmy Needham

     That line spoke to me and convicted me in the deepest parts of my heart. We first must be perfect in order to even consider approaching God. HECK NO.  You run to his feet, MESS & ALL. He wants every part of our lives. Our desire and striving to be more like Him is what blesses His heart. I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember, and the enemy has frequently tried to feed me the lie that Christianity = 100% perfect and in control at all times. I hate to admit it, but I have fallen for this lie several times. The Bible clearly says that "All have fallen short of the glory of God". No one is perfect. We are also not truly giving our lives to Him if we do not seek to follow His lead and wait on his wisdom. If we're just rushing into the first door that opens or jump through the nearest window of opportunity without asking for his guidance, we're trying to do this on our own. That's not how it was meant to be. What the Father has for us is peace beyond understanding and a freedom that can only be found in Him. I want to encourage you to fully surrender to God and to find your peace within his unconditional love. For He will never forsake you.

                                                                                                     Love, Jessie
                                              
                                                                Jimmy & I

P.S. I want to hear from YOU GUYS! What topics would you like me to write about?

 

Friends are Awesome. God is Awesomer.

     {Yes. "Awesomer" is a word.}
 
     Right now I am basking in the light, joyous feeling that comes from sweet company. It is a feeling I have not experienced often in the last couple of months. It is not that I did not have enjoyable company, but my heart was too heavy to enjoy the moment I was in.
      Ok, I'll try to give you the short version of what has made my heart heavy over the last couple of months.

     In merely a week, a friend's mom tragically died unexpectedly, I found out my Aunt had cancer, a friend was extremely depressed due to undeserved meanness continually shown to her, also several people I love dearly showed me very ugly sides of their character all at the same time (which took me by surprise), and one of my closest friends wasn't there for me when I was really upset about all this, and she said some very hurtful words to me. This is only half of the burdens I felt. This doesn't even include all of the stress I had with stuff on my senior to do list. To sum it up in one word I was overwhelmed.

      This all took place in one single week in May. A time when I should have been enjoying my last days as a high school student, but  instead I was miserable. I have an annoying habit of taking on the weight of other people's problems and trying to fix them, so that didn't help the situation at all.
      Three days after I graduated I went on a ten day missions trip to the Dominican Republic. My heart was anything but ready. I was feeling inadequate, disconnected from my team, and apathetic--- which really scared me. This was my first mission trip. I had waited my whole life to do this very thing. Yet, in the midst of what I had yearned to do for so long, I was lacking compassion and a desire to be where I was. It was confusing to say the least, and I certainly didn't want to feel that way. It frustrated me to the point of tears. I continued praying and leaning on God for help and understanding. 
     Despite my confusion, God had told me to go to the Dominican Republic and He honored my obedience. He used me in ways I could've never foreseen. I had the privilege of speaking about the Great Commission (the end of Matthew when Jesus tells His disciples to go into all the Earth making disciples), as well as speak about my own personal testimony and passion regarding missions at an evangelism college in the Dominican. They wanted to start sending out missionaries from their country, but they were unfamiliar with how to do it and the reason to do it. So they asked us to come share with their faculty and board of directors. It was a blessing to me. In preparation for this I was unsure if half of what I wrote was even relevant, but I felt strongly that every word I wrote was what I was meant to say. The people responded better than I could've ever imagined. It strengthened my courage, as well as my faith and purpose.
     Even though God did many, many amazing things in that country, as well as in my heart, when I came back to America I still felt heavy hearted. The following week I met up with several friends at different times who wanted to hear about my trip. The conversation was good, but it wasn't like it usually was, at least for me it wasn't. I didn't leave the conversation feeling lighthearted and refreshed as I always did after spending one on one time with a close friend. I felt like I was meeting with them more out of some sort of friendship duty to be a good friend, so I could check it off of some list. It became more like a chore and I absolutely HATED that. One on one convos with friends are what I LIVE for, so it didn't make any sense. And to make it worse, the one friend that I wanted to talk to more than anything was always busy, and I felt like I was being avoided and lied to. I felt rejected by her, and this wasn't the first time. It was frustrating because I was so excited to share with her about my trip, and I felt like I had to beg for her to hang out with me, to no avail. I missed her and it hurt my heart more deeply than it should have. 
     I am telling you all of this to say that through all of my pain, worry, and confusion God came when I called. Yes, I have continuously prayed about all of these things as they've occurred these last few months, but until this week I had not laid down my pride and truly given God reign. One night as I laid in my bed thinking over everything, I gave every single thing to God. Even the sins that I had been trying to foolishly hide and forget about. I laid it all at His feet, and as always He accepted me with open arms. My heart was finally open to receive the love and healing it needed. This was brought through convicting scriptures, but mostly through my sweet time with my friend Ana today, whom I mentioned when I started this long story.
     When I shared with her the things I was going through right now, she shared with me some of the same wisdom others had shared with me in the past, but until today I wasn't ready to receive it with an open mind. The hardest words of wisdom for me to swallow were the fact that friendships are sometimes just for a season. God puts you in people lives, you plant seeds, and then you let go. She told me that maybe my friendship with that particular girl was just for a season and that season is over. I don't know if this is true, but I can't ignore this possibility as much as I hate it with everything in me. When I'm friends with someone, we're friends for life. I don't like this whole "seasons" idea, but it is Biblical.
      My favorite part of our conversation was when we were able to relate to each others struggles on a heart level, or point out ways the enemy was trying to plant lies or start chaos in each other's lives. Just being able to reveal my heart to someone who loves Jesus and pursues Him in such a similar fashion fills my heart with such an overwhelming amount of joy.
     This week I began at a low place and now I am at a much better place. I am not through the struggles yet, but I feel encouraged, joyful, and confidant in Jesus' love and support of me. I am also very eager to pursue more of what Jesus has for me. I need more. Though friendships are great, I cannot rely on them for all my comfort and wisdom. My main source should be Jesus. That's hard for me to remember all the time, which is why my heart can so easily become heavy-laden. I too often go to other people with my problems expecting relief, when my first instinct should be to run to my heavenly Father. 
     I know that I have shared with you more negative than positive in this blog post today, but I want to be honest with you. A lot of people think Christians never struggle and have it all together. I sure as heck don't. I am a mess that God has graciously and lovingly turned into a story of His magnificent glory. I am forever thankful. Even in my weakness, He is strong. He lifts me up and carries me through the struggle when I call upon Him, and He'll do the same for you.

                                                                                                  Love, Jess
P.S. Listen to this song. It's encouraging. Makes me happy :) 

Feelings Feelings Feelings

     A popular saying these days is a line talking about "being in your feelings". Meaning that you've just taken some time to soak in your feelings, usually ones of misery. We are a race that survives on our feelings, and it is such a dangerous thing to base your decisions and happiness on the feelings of a mere moment.
     I have always struggled with being a people pleaser. Not necessarily meaning that I kiss up to people, but meaning that I simply like to do the right thing, and help people out. This being said, I like to be noticed, appreciated, and complimented when I make an effort to make someone feel special. Who doesn't, right? But I have to be careful because a lot of times, it's how I get filled up. So when I go through times of feeling like I'm invisible and unnoticed, I am absolutely drained, because my feelings of being loved, and so on, are not being fulfilled.
     Something I have been learning of late, is that living off of our feelings is an action that is often tied with our relationship with God. Let me clarify. I am one of those people that when I worship God or get prayer over something, I cry, because I am just so moved. I have attached crying to the idea that God is working in my life, so when I don't cry, I feel as if nothing is happening. I have based my relationship with God on if I cry or not. How messed up is that??? I want to feel that God loves me. Why do I need to feel it? I should just know that God loves me, just by looking at the facts that he has placed before me in the Bible.
     Don't take this the wrong way. Feelings are a totally okay thing to have. God made us to have feelings. But like C.S. Lewis said, "Feelings come and go, and when they come a good use can be made of them: but they cannot be our regular spiritual diet." That's some wise words from one of the greatest theological writers of all time. Our spiritual diet should consist of God's word.
     We shouldn't need to be recognized by other people to lift our spirits. We should invest our hearts in the promises that God has given to us. That He loves us. That we are fearfully and wonderfully made. That in heaven there will be no tears. Ironic, huh? No tears. YIKES. Better get out of my feelings. You too. ;)


                                                                                      Love your friend, Jess

Lies

     Sometimes I hear lies that God doesn't care about me. That I am all on my own in this whole "life" thing. I've gone through so many seasons where I have battled with depression, and Satan takes the opportunity to plant more lies in my head. To tell me that I am unloved, that people just tolerate me, that no one is there for me, least of all God. It is hard to express in words the magnitude of the pain I have experienced. I'd lock myself away from the world, shut everyone out, and just soak in my feelings of rejection and loneliness. I wouldn't want to talk to God, my family, or even my friends. Every time that I would try to turn my back on everything I believed in, God was always right there by my side, even if I didn't feel like He was.
     I love the passage from Isaiah 40:28-31, and reading it in the message version (my favorite version) makes it so much more powerful (simply because it is an easy to understand version of the Bible). It is like a knock back to the reality of knowing the true character of God, not the lies that Satan feeds us. Here are the main points from this scripture:

1. God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
2.  He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. 
3. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
       And He knows everything, inside and out. 
4. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. 
5. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. 
6. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength, they spread their wings and soar like eagles
7.  They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.

     God is not just some deity sitting on some sort of cloud throne. He is our heavenly Father. He does not forget us. He created us. He adores us, loves us, and cherishes us. He laughs when we laugh, He cries when we cry. He knows our every thought and desire. He is our number one fan. He is not against us, He is for us. Most importantly, He loved me and you so much that He gave His only Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He saved us from the death we deserve. How could I, or anybody for that matter, think that someone who goes through all that trouble to make sure that we will spend eternity with Him, doesn't love us? That's absolutely crazy! When I am at my weakest, He is patient with me. I mess up, oh gosh I mess up so much, and I make so many of the same mistakes, yet He still loves and forgives me. That is the ultimate form of love. Even when I try to live life my way, He sticks around, and lovingly reminds me why His plans are the best plans, even though I don't always see it. God will not forsake you. We forsake Him, and the times when I have turned my back on God have been the lowest points in my life. Yet time and time again, He welcomes me into His waiting arms. He's waiting for you too. What are you waiting for?

I Need You --- YES, YOU!

 

   I remember clearly the day that I knew what God had called me to be. I was about four years old. I was driving across a bridge in Louisiana, staring at the clouds out the window, when I knew. I am called to be a missionary. The basic definition of "missionary", is someone who insistently shares the gospel of Jesus Christ. When people think of missionaries, they usually think of people who are revolutionizing in Africa or loving children in the slums of Haiti, but today foreign missions is no longer the forerunner of the mission world. So I don't really know what being a missionary will look like at all for me.
     Despite this, I have always longed to go on a foreign missions trip. Throughout the years I have always tried to go on one, but the door always shut. It was never the right timing, and I just never felt at peace about going. Right now I'm at the tail end of my senior year in high school. I'm about to embark on my journey in college studying Christian theology, and I also now have the opportunity to go on my first foreign missions trip, to the Dominican Republic. You can be sure that I am very excited to see what God has in store in this new adventure, but to be honest I am also afraid. This is something I've waited to do for a long time, and I keep having this fear that when I go, it won't be what I've expected. That it won't feel right, that it won't feel like I'm doing the one thing that I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. That terrifies me. I feel like this trip will define more of what my purpose is, and show me more of who I was made to be. On one hand, I'm very excited to see how I will be transformed, but then again I am afraid of disappointment. And in the midst of all this fear and anxiety, my excitement and passion has been squandered. 

     Even though I am feeling all of these things, I still know that I am supposed to go on this trip. My mind is telling me the truth, that I am right where I am supposed to be, that there is no reason to fear, that I need to trust God, and let go of all the anxiety, in order to rediscover my passion. But this truth hasn't quiet settled into my heart. So I am asking you dear friend, to please keep me in your prayers. I really need them in this season. I really do appreciate your love and support! I will definitely write a follow up blog on my experience, to let you know what God is doing in my heart. I'm saying that, because I know that usually the blogs I write are uplifting, and encouraging, through my personal experiences, but right now I am in the middle of an experience, so this blog is more of a cry for help in a way. I know the dream that God has instilled in my heart, but I need to find that passion again. Most people don't realize the real power that prayer has, but I do, that is why that is the most important way that you can support me, if you feel lead to do so. I love each and every one of my readers so much. Really, the fact that you take the time to read what I write really just touches my heart. So, thank you so much!

                                                                                                 Love your friend,

                                                                                                                      Jess

If you feel moved to support me financially, please click the link below!

The Depths of Despair

    

     Have you ever felt like you're stuck in the depths of despair? Maybe you just have no motivation to do anything, and you come home and want to sleep the day away. Every little thing overwhelms you because it adds on to the never ending exploding mess you're constantly trying to make sense of. Perhaps you've become an easily angered person. It doesn't take much to set you off. Just the sound of someone's voice makes you cringe. Your tolerance level is at an all time low. You find yourself pasting on a smile because you don't want people to see your sadness.
     This my friends, just about perfectly describes me these past weeks. I started off the school year in August very excited and passionate about what God was going to unfold this year. That began to diminish as distractions took over, and God kept getting pushed farther and farther away from being the focal point in my life. Don't get the wrong idea here. I didn't go all out rebel and turn my back on God or anything. I just stopped reading my word every day and spending one on one time with God all the time.
     The longer time went on of me not spending time with God, the worse it got. I began to get really discouraged because I wasn't seeing fruit in the friends that I was trying to bring to Jesus. I invested my love and time into people who couldn't care less, people who continually hurt me over and over again. I would also come home everyday and sleep for several hours, and have no motivation to do anything else. The purpose of my life started to get foggy, and this in turn brought on a whole bunch of confusion, making me question if I'm supposed to be a missionary. This freaked me out. When I was four years old God told me that I was going to be a missionary, so for my whole life this has been sort of a part of who I am. So to be unsure of this made me extremely nervous, especially in the midst of my senior year. I was having a lot of trouble trusting God. In some ways I felt that if I wasn't a missionary, that I would be disappointing God, and all the people that I've told for so long that I am going to be a missionary.
     At this point I was so overtaken by my doubts and discouragement, that the enemy definitely had room to come in and reek some chaos of its own. I didn't want to go to church, to school, or anywhere really. Fun stuff that I would usually jump up and down to go to, I preferred to just stay home.
     Over Christmas vacation, a family member said something that hurt my feelings a bit. It was something really stupid, but I was so sensitive at the time, that you could of said "your hair looks green", and I would've started crying. Ridiculous, right? My mom asked me what was wrong, and I just started overflowing. I couldn't hold in my pain anymore. I had pasted on a smile for too long.
     Today at church I decided that I had had enough of feeling this way, so I went up and asked for prayer from a couple of close friends. I am SO glad I did! I feel so much peace and grace right now. In those few minutes of prayer, I learned so much.

     1. God is not disappointed in me.

     2. My version of God's plan and His version can be different. Even though I've always envisioned my self going on to the mission field after college, His ideas could be very different.

     3. I don't always need to be strong. It's ok to not be ok. I'm the person that people come to because they trust me, and they share their struggles with me, so sometimes I feel like I can't always put all my stuff out there. Though I do think I am usually a pretty transparent person.... but maybe not as much as I think I am.

     4. God knows what He's doing. I can trust Him to follow through when I am faithful in the moment and circumstances that I'm in.

     Pretty awesome stuff right? This was all very encouraging to me. It spoke directly to my heart. It feels like my heart got a little blanket wrapped around it and a cup of hot chocolate. I just feel so good. I'm definitely not completely up to par yet. That will be a process. A process of faith, that I learned about from my pastor in church today.

1. We endure trials    2. Gain Character    3. Establish Faith    4. Obtain Promises

     That's the process of Faith. I am not where I was this morning or yesterday, so already I am better than before. I'm going through trials, I am gaining character, I am reestablishing my Faith in God, and through my continued faithfulness, and pursuit, I will obtain the promises of God. Sounds pretty simple when you see it like that.
      As I was and am struggling with all of this stuff, I have constantly asked myself why I've felt so down. Why am I struggling and confused? Why do I feel like I am being attacked?
      While I was in Church, I was flipping through my notebook, and I found an entry on August 18th, 2014. Which is right before school started. I wrote it when I was at the prayer room  at my church on a Monday night, and Mrs. Jane came up to me and gave me a verse in Philippians 4:13.

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength"

       She told me that that year God was going to use sandpaper on me. That I would be persecuted, and that God didn't want me to quit. That I could do this.
     As soon as I read that it all made sense. CRAZY, RIGHT?!?! That's why I've been feeling this way. In many ways God has been stretching me and pushing me to step out of my comfort zone this year. For the last few weeks I've just felt like quitting. Running the race was too exhausting, I was drained, depressed and I couldn't do it anymore. Then I read that, and I knew I couldn't let the enemy win. I want to persevere, push through, trust God, and overcome all the things that are weighing me down. This is more than a new year for me, this is a new season. God is working on me, and I'm going to make room to let Him. God gives me strength. I shouldn't rely on those things to always come from my friends, family, or even myself. I need to rely on Him.

     We're not alone in our struggles. We can overcome, and find joy, even in the hard times. I promise that if you continue to push closer to God, you will find what you're looking for, because when you're close to God, your desires begin to line up with His. 

     I know that at times, maybe all the time, it feels like life is just a cycle of continuous slaps in the face. Don't lose hope! Be encouraged! Push through it! No matter how hard or boring it may be, continue to read your word daily, even if you still feel awful afterwards, keep pushing in closer to the Lord. Also remember, it's ok to not be ok. We're not perfect, and we ALL struggle. So in the hard times, look for ways that God is trying to shape you in that season. Be open and ready. Share your struggles with other people that are trustworthy, encouraging, and will speak life into you. Sometimes it helps others to know that you're not a perfect human being, but you also just need to let all of your troubles out. Trust me, it really helps. I kept all of this stuff bottled up for awhile. Even when I was smiling, I was crying and pulling my hair out in the inside. Don't do that guys! You'd be surprised how understanding and discerning some people can be when you just pour out your heart to them. Now I'm not telling you to share your life story with the next Billy Bob Smojoe you see. Go talk to a strong Christian friend, pastor, or maybe a parent.

     If you would even like to talk to me, I am happy to lend a ear! I try to make these blogs a bit general so everyone can relate in some ways, but I'm not a top notch writer, so I don't get to everybody, so if you have specific questions or just want me to be praying for you, go ahead and write a note to me in the "Contact Me" section! But of course, Jesus is the best listener of all :)

         Love your friend, Jessie

                                                                                                                     

P.S.

The title "Depths of Despair" is an Anne of Green Gables 

reference for those book lovers out there.

In the World, but Not of It

Worldly.

     This is a term that I am familiar with. I've grown up hearing this term, for it is said often in church. When I was asked to define it today, I didn't really know what to say on the spot. So I'm processing all of this and trying to get a clear understanding of what this word really means.

     The dictionary definition of “worldly” is “relating to, or devoted to, the temporal world.” Worldliness, then, is the condition of being concerned with worldly affairs, especially to the neglect of spiritual things. The Bible has a great deal to say about worldliness, none of it good. 

     Worldliness is based around sinful patterns or  habits of wrongdoing that are common to all man kind. Before we even look at worldliness, we need to have a clear understanding of "sin".
     There are many things that are sins, such as slandering/gossip, adultery, stealing (even something little), murder, saying God's name in vain, and the list goes on and on. Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." That means that if you sin in any way, that you're penalty is death, but because Jesus died on the cross for us, we can accept His gift of eternal life. You may think, well, "I'm a good person, I haven't really done anything super bad." Well, Romans 3:23 says, 

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  

     That means everyone sins. All sin is on the same level, whether it's murder or stealing an eraser, sin is sin. We're all broken. The awesome part about this whole thing, is that Jesus accepts us with all our broken pieces. I consistently go through seasons of repenting for something I'm struggling with, and then going right back to my old habits, and every time I turn back to God, He accepts me with open arms. I don't deserve it, yet there He is, always ready to comfort me and love me. It amazes me every time.
    Now that we have a better understanding of sin, let's look at "worldliness". In Romans 12:2 it says,   

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." 

     Believers are meant to be set apart. When Jesus says that we are not of this world, He means that we are here physically, but we are no longer ruled by sin, nor are we bound by the principles of the world. How are people supposed to recognize us as Christians if we act like everyone else? It's simple, they won't. We are called to be different. Jesus sets it out plainly in Matthew 5:13-16, 

“Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage."
^14-16 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

     How can we be a good example if we take part in worldly pleasures? 1 John 2:15-17 says,

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-sin.html#sthash.gJak544o.dpuf

^" Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity."

     Being worldly is a problem that everyone has, some just more than others. It is something that we continually have to overcome and resist. We have to reject the temptations of this world, and devote ourselves to living a life that glorifies God, a life filled with sacrifice, courage, and faith.  Jude 1:19 says,

"It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit."

     Someone who is completely worldly, has no spirituality in their life. They have nothing to do with Jesus. They do what they want, how they want, and when they want. They pursue worldly pleasures. I really like this passage from Romans 12:2 that says,

"Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

     The longing to fit in to our society, often causes us to just do what everyone else is doing, even if it's stupid. We become so used to just following the crowd that we're just blending in, not giving a thought to the bigger things that God has for us. It is SO important that we are set apart as Christians. I can't make that clear enough! It's hard, trust me I know. Sometimes, I just want to fit in, and so I let myself go and I act like everyone else, but afterwards it doesn't feel so great. Living my life for Jesus is the most rewarding part of my life. The way that He leads me through my trials and decisions is vital to my very existence. My faith in God has opened so many doors to new adventures, friendships, and struggles that help me to grow in maturity. I'm thankful for every moment.

     Remember, be in the world, but not of it.
    

                                                                  Love,  Jessie Childs

He Speaks

  Let me just start off by saying GOD IS SO GOOD! He really is! Everyday I stand amazed at how much He really loves me. How much He really does care! No matter how many times I mess up (All day Every day), He still accepts me, blesses me, and gives me the world!
   This past weekend I experienced some awesomeness. It was one of those things that is just so bizarre and perfect, that there's no way to explain it, except to point at God. Before I tell you about that, let me give you a little bit of background info.
   I'm the type of person who loves serving. I'm always eager to do whatever God has for me to do next, I always want to make sure that I'm doing things for His Kingdom, and that I'm not just sitting idle doing my own thing.
   So, within these last couple of weeks God has asked me to drop just about EVERYTHING, like the Christian club I created and led, my leadership role in Kid's Church, I quit one job to start my real job full-time, and then I was let go, and it goes on and on. I did it and trusted Him, but I still went a little crazy, because I had no clue what He was doing. I like to be in control, and sometimes I forgot who's really in charge. So of course, I start to take things into my own hands, and put some busyness back into my life. I began to consider joining the worship team at my church, since I had so much more free time. I started talking to my youth pastor and his wife about joining.
    I prayed about this for weeks. I wanted to know that this was definitely something that God was leading me to commit to, instead of just jumping right into it. At first, I was at peace about the whole thing, just waiting for God to speak His mind. Then as weeks went by I began to become anxious, and started having doubts about whether I've ever really heard God speak to me, and I would second guess all the thoughts I had about making a decision, because I didn't know if it was God or just me trying to speed things along. So complicated.
    Finally, I just asked the youth pastor's wife if I could just try out, and maybe sit in on a couple sessions, to see how it felt. I told her that God still hadn't made anything clear, and a lot of times when I just start doing something, I'll know if it's what I'm supposed to be doing or not.
   The day right before we were supposed to talk about it again, I was heading to a Matt Gilman worship set, with my mom. My mom and I were just talking about random life stuff, nothing that was related to the worship team, when a thought suddenly cut through all my other thoughts. The words were so clear in my mind, and I just knew with everything in me that it was God. He said, "Jessie, I dropped all of these things out of your life for a reason. I want you to be available." All it took was God speaking, and my chaos turned into understanding and peace. Every time I think about it, I just want to do a happy dance. GOD IS SO GOOD!
   Now that I know what God wants this season to be for me,  I've been trying to figure out what being "available" means. One thing that happened a while ago, was I kept getting the name Hannah* in my head. For several days, this girls name continued popping into my head. So finally, I said, "Ok, God, I hear you! I'll reach out to this girl!"
   I've only met this girl one time, and it was almost a year ago. She was super sweet, but still a complete stranger. We both followed each other on instagram, so I messaged her and said, " Hi Hannah*! So I know this is completely random and you don't know me at all, but I feel like I'm supposed to get to know you. I don't know how or when, but your name just popped into my head, and I have this strong sense that we're supposed to be friends, and that our friendship would bless one another.  So if you're interested in meeting up sometime my number is 'insert numbers here' : ) If this freaked you out I apologize, Jesus asks me to do awkward things sometimes, so yeah, here I am."
   Now, this is not like me to just put myself out there like that. I hate the feeling of being rejected, so a lot of times that stops me from doing all the things I could.
   Anyways... Hannah* texts me a couple hours later and says, " Hey girl! It's Hannah*. Don't worry, your message wasn't freaky, your obedience to The Lord is awesome :) this is crazy, I've been praying for Christian sisterhood. I would totally be interested in meeting up sometime soon!"
   I was blown away by her response. She actually PRAYED for Christian sisterhood and then BOOM, God tells me to talk to her.
   So my awesome experience from this past weekend was when I finally got to meet up and have lunch with Hannah*.
   The entire lunch time was such a blessing! We could've probably talked for days. We are both introverts, which if you've read my blog titled, "Small Talk? No Thanks", then you know why that is such a big deal for me. It basically meant that from the get go, we were open with one another, we shared our life stories, our struggles, our joys, and even things that we've only shared with one or two people.  Several times we had to stop talking and just sit in awe of how alike we were. The similarities in our thought processing, character, and many other things, was just astonishing! Can you see how awesome God is? He took two people. Strangers. Brought them together and formed a heart connection. He knew that we'd be good for one another. Only God could do something this amazing, and find someone so specifically in tune with me. It's just absolutely CRAZY!!
   My advice to you is this, when you hear some kind of crazy urging inside of you to reach out to someone or something related, DO IT! Step out and be bold! You never know what's in store.

                                 Love,  Jessie Childs

*name changed for anonymity